Bluemoon's Little Shop of Wicca

The Goddess Within Me



     Mental illness is not an easy road for anyone. I struggle each days with emotions I cant even name let alone get a handle on. My mind races from one thing to the next. I am like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off at anytime. The struggle is very real my friends. Each morning I wonder if its even worth getting out of my bed. What exactly do I have to offer the world. My answer is usually the same NOTHING. I feel empty and at the same time so full I'm ready to boil over, just spill out all over the world. Saying here I am, this is the real me.
     Mental illness is not something you can easily explain. Even though many of us may have the same diagnosis the actual symptoms are different. The amount in which each person can handle also plays a factor, and of course how good your acting skills are. LOL Sounds funny I know but so true. The daily routines of getting dressed, putting on my make-up etc... plastering that smile on my face and pretending that my head isn't ready to explode. Its not only phoney, acting whatever you want to call it. Its also very draining. I do these things because I know its whats expected not because I care or want to but because I am trying to prove to those around me I am okay. I don't need a chaperone everywhere I go.
     Sometimes I wish I could become my inner Goddess, that beautiful woman I see within. So strong and confident. In complete control of all her emotions and thoughts. Never sad or insecure, never blue or lonely. Wanting for nothing for all she wants is hers.  I know shes there I can feel her. I sense her all around me, within me. I truly am a good hearted person with pure intentions. 
     I seek her out in my every day life hoping one of these days she'll make an appearance. Will the cool headed, well adjusted Goddess ever show herself or will she be forever locked away within. Trapped much like I feel everyday!

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